For Immediate Release: April 26, 2021 Contacts: Gary Wockner, 970-218-8310, email@example.com Jen Pelz, 303-884-2702, firstname.lastname@example.org…
Hello Friends of the Colorado River!
Welcome to the deep middle of summer where the news gets all funky and cattywampus! That’s right, this is our annual edition of really weird Colorado River news involving celebrities, skeletons, marijuana, and dogs on paddle boards.
First, the top weird news of the week is that Tom Selleck (a.k.a., Magnum PI) did NOT steal Colorado River water. The fire hydrant where Mr. Selleck was alleged to have stolen water is in Calleguas Municipal Water District in Ventura County, California, which gets its water from the Metropolitan Water District of Southern California which gets its water from the Colorado River. Two days ago, Mr. Selleck reached an “agreement” with the District in which he agreed to pay a “settlement” of $21,655.85 that resolved the matter. This LA Times story says that Mr. Selleck is “pleased” with the outcome of the investigation. Yes, ironically, the $21,655.85 “settlement” was the amount of money the District used to hire a PI (private investigator) to investigate Magnum PI, which just goes to show you that what comes around goes around on the Colorado River.
OK, next up is SKELETONS in the Colorado River! Earlier this summer, a diver in Lake Havasu of the Colorado River discovered a couple skeletons sitting in lawn chairs which caused quite a stir with local law enforcement. The internet ran the stories all over hootenany which caused quite a stir on facebook and twitter.
A few days later, it was discovered that the skeletons were a prank and weren’t real human skeletons. A couple of Phoenix pranksters were behind the issue, saying they were hoping to create a “humorous landmark.” Law enforcement personnel have now dropped the matter and say they have no plans to press charges. Read about the story in Arizona Central here.
Next up is Marijuana! As many of you know the voters in the state of Colorado legalized recreational marijuana in 2014, which has resulted in numerous local zoning and land use squabbles as well as water rights questions across the state. This week, the City of Glenwood Springs is considering whether to allow a marijuana grow and retail shop to be located in the Colorado River Industrial Park.
Local officials insist that “no discernible odor shall be projected beyond the exterior walls of the licensed premises” which has been a problem at other grows in the state (see this story in the Glenwood Independent here). At the very same time that marijuana grows are proliferating across Colorado, the federal government’s U.S. Bureau of Reclamation has made it clear that they won’t allow the use of water administered by the Bureau to be used to grow marijuana (read this story in the Denver Post here). So, perhaps you can have a grow in the Colorado River Industrial Park but can’t use Colorado River water to grow it?
Finally, everybody knows that standup paddle boarding is all the rage across the Colorado River, and the next big rage is dogs on paddle boards. Facebook is all a twitter with paddle-boarding dogs. Here’s a sampling to get you howling. Enjoy!